It’s been more than a month since I’ve created any blog material. The blockage began accumulating after the broadcast of Kavanaugh’s Senate hearing. The drop of that emotional rollercoaster reverberated echos from my memories and unearthed most of my self-doubt. My reaction to any emotional instability is consistently to loath myself. I mean, LOATH. How do I go from watching something on TV to convincing myself that I’m of no value to anyone? It’s a talent. It’s overwhelming and miserable and embarrassing, and it is so very hard to ignore the terrible things I think about myself once my confidence flees my consciousness.
At my last counseling session, my therapist asked me to write myself a letter. This poor woman has been trying to reroute my negative self-talk for two years to minimal avail (and lets not forget the years of therapy before I began with her). As soon as she asked me to write this open-ended letter, we both knew it’d likely turn into my much needed return to the blogosphere. So, hi! Good to see you, Internet. I promise I’m still alive.
In any case, this past Saturday I celebrated a birthday (yay Scorpios). I figured this milestone made for a really obvious choice in format– a letter of reminders from, a reasonably lucid, me for the last half of my twenties:
Let’s get right to it.
One of these days, you have to accept that life unfolds as it will and you’ve got to stop with the expectations. That’s life hack #1 for the last half of your twenties. Because you dream and that’s beautiful, but maybe from here on out we channel our dream time into creativity and exercise. You tend to use your energy to dream up the most ideal outcome of every moment. I know you don’t try to– it happens before you realize you’ve done it. Yeah, it’s not like you’re suddenly going to be able to redirect your proclivity to imagine; but, the intention to practice is a good place to start.
1.Channel your energy into physical activity
2. Don’t limit your freedoms
Seems we’re still waiting for the secrets of adulting to arrive in the mail… Stop expecting to wake up one morning with the wisdom adults seemed to have when you were a kid. You know they had as much idea of what they were doing as you do right now. Look for the answer key in your intuition and past experiences. When in doubt, ask yourself if the choice in question will limit your freedom or potential. You need to be free to discover. Always.
3. Do your dishes. Do all the house chores
Because it’s just life and you’ll adult with more grace if you just do them. Even when you live by yourself and no one is there to hold you accountable. Even when you haven’t had anyone over in a couple of weeks. At least tidy up for your cats. We’ve accepted your cat lady nature, but we can limit the crazy.
Start journalling again. You know those moments when you feel the sting of solitude and are losing track of the thoughts you’ve already thought? See what journaling does for that. You need something like this to help you feel grounded.
5. Learn from the experiences that make you feel icky
Don’t do them again. I’ve put this one exactly in the middle because you’re right on the precipice of awesomeness. You know that nothing is going to limit you like shame eclipses your light.
6. FORGIVE YOURSELF
See #5. I know you’re not good at it, but practice, practice, practice.
7. Forgive others
Realize you’re great at this, but remember that forgiveness is not synonymous with forgetting. When you forgive too quickly, you forget blatant demonstrations of character. When your opinion of another person is skewed, your choices follow suit. Distance yourself from disillusion at all costs.
8. Keep asking questions
Learn from other humans’ experiences. You don’t know what you don’t know, and someone you know probably does know… so just ask.
9. Remember what music does for you
Remember how it changes your mood. Keep this tool at the top of your toolbox. Do not forget this!!
10. Screw the programming telling you that life is meant to follow a universal timeline
Most of all, please remember to remember this one. The pace at which another person’s life unfolds is nothing you should expect for yourself. Distance yourself from the disillusion, right?
You’ve been preparing and readying yourself for life’s next curveball. Don’t live in fear of that change or frustration that the change isn’t happening when you wanted it to (in the magical way you dreamt it would). Accept that you’re at the will of time and always be conscious of your ongoing journey in discovery. Be gentle to yourself, because COME ON. Wouldn’t these days of your life pass with less pain if you liked yourself half as much as your family and friends love you?
Practice being calm. Practice being open. Save some love for yourself. Four more years to crush your twenties until you’re thirty, flirty, and thriving. Go get ’em.
Morgan at 25 and three days
Until the next post…