Guys, I am all about my leisure time. Is that me admitting that I’m lazy? Close– but I don’t think I check off enough lazy symptoms to classify myself in that way. This weekend, I substituted some of my chill time with much needed socialization. While it was all stellar, I had a lot of revelations on Friday night that are worth addressing.
On Friday, I went out with my friend Ali. Those of you who don’t know me personally have likely read about Ali in some of my tougher posts as she walked through my darkest times with me. She and I were codependent there for a couple years, and have unofficially taken the past year to explore our individuality. Friday was the first time we’d gone out, just the two of us, in over a year. We started with dinner and stayed out long past our preferred 9:30 bedtimes. As we ventured around my neighborhood together, it quickly dawned on us that our night was quite unlike any of the nights we’d spent out together before.
We used to be these miserable blobs of people pretending they weren’t disappearing and then we would go out in public and wonder why we felt invisible or overwhelmingly misunderstood. I remember confidently announcing to my therapist when I began seeing her that yeah, my ex had said/done some pretty deplorable things to me, but that they were all true or justified as evidenced by my experiences going out. It sounds pitiful and whiny, but I wholeheartedly believed that no one could ever want me. Really, truly, I felt that overwhelmingly.
Ali and I used to have these jobs we hated, with lives that felt uncomfortable, eating whole pizzas every other day while we processed all of this insane stuff life had just thrown at us. Excluding the year we were friends while I lived with the ex, we were as single and haggard as two twenty-somethings get. Exhibit A: this picture from a vacation we went on in 2016.
And, because a picture is worth a thousand words and I’ve only just typed 350, this is us on Friday.
Isn’t that insane? We’re all happy and confident now and the experience we had this weekend was so unlike every single night out we’d shared before. It was crazy and affirming and so pro be-your-best-you/ feel good-look good/ holy cow, we’ve come so far– we couldn’t stop beaming about it. So much beaming, we stayed up until 4am.
Ali has a boyfriend now, I’m dating, we work for humans with consciences, we’re actively pursuing our life purposes– things are good. Progress is a crazy thing, y’all.
Still going up…