To Pam

Momma,

I’m writing this while I listen to The Greatest Showman soundtrack for the tenth time in the past 18 hours. So; in my head, these words sound like a musical. Apologies if this comes out too epic. Anywho.

You and I got a late start to the relationship we have now. I’ll never-not regret how obnoxiously I flaunted my preference for my dad to you.  But, I was born speaking his language, and he’s always been able to read my mind. Communicating without speaking is a pretty big parental advantage, and I’m sorry that one didn’t lean in your direction.

As I grew and learned how to express myself, you and I discovered how to relate to one another. We’ve had some spectacularly enlightening conversations that I’m endlessly grateful for. This sounds weird, but you explained to me how others see me, and taught me how to find my place in this world. I’d spent all life prior to these conversations overanalyzing myself, and wondering how I was perceived. I get that we shouldn’t worry ourselves with what others think of us, but it is human nature; and, it made/makes me crazy to wonder. Having a better idea of how my behavior and language resonates with people is this crazy powerful peace of mind, and in a weird way was the key to our connection. It’s an amazing gift, and you’re past due for a thank you card.

I’m so gosh darn grateful for you. Not just because you literally gave me life and everything, but the commitment you showed to lifting me out of the funk of 2015-16… Holy cow– that was pretty near miraculous. How did you do that? What an incredibly strong demonstration of love, dedication, persistence, and motherhood. People sometimes tell me that I’m strong, but I’ve got nothing on you. You’ve always pushed me to be better and do more while always praising my efforts and abilities. I couldn’t engineer myself a more idealistic version of a mother.

Realizing how fortunate I am in this department overwhelms me. Truly, the feeling steals my words. All I can say is thank you. For all the things– a lifetime’s worth of material deserving of thanks I could never finish writing. Thank you. Wishing that I could spend this Mothers’ Day weekend with you at home with the cats, and boat rides, music, and martinis.

You epitomize love. Thank you for this life!

-M