For those of you unfamiliar with the term, Urban Dictionary defines the friendzone as, “A particularly aggravating metaphorical place, that people end up in when someone they are interested in only wants to be friends.” Whether or not you’re from a time when there was no word for the phenomenon, I’m sure you’re familiar with the principle.
I am a friend-zoning pro. Because I’ve always been skilled at sensing others’ thoughts or feelings, I know when someone is interested in me (I’m pretty sure we all have this intuition). For as long as I can remember, like– all the way back to elementary school, I would go to great lengths to avoid rejecting boys whose feelings I didn’t reciprocate. Someone drew me a picture once and to avoid having to convey that it made me uncomfortable, I said I was sick and went home from school. Perhaps a bigger issue than the friendzone are the lengths to which I go to prevent causing others unpleasant feelings. When I decided last year that I needed to experience living by myself, I made myself sick trying to figure out how to tell my roommate without hurting her.
My therapist had to call me out for this, and since we determined this was a great cause for much of my panicking and anxiety, I’ve since grown to be more comfortable in sharing myself honestly. All of this to say, I appreciate honesty from others in return for my own.
As I sat down to write this post, I thought I had nothing relevant to share. Then, I thought through the dudes I’ve been talking to. I wrote recently that there had been an addition to my list of non-asshole men, and that we were establishing a friendship. It’s important to mention that I’d not had the opportunity to develop feelings for him, but I mean; a kind, interesting, and nice looking dude thinks I’m fascinating– obviously I’m inclined to snatch him up. Unfortunately, for him, there is a small, though mentionable, age difference between us. I’d “dated” a couple other guys the same age; so, it wasn’t something that I was caught up on. However, he knew what he was looking for and when he realized my age, I was no longer that. So, we’re friends now? I’m in the friendzone, I think? If I had to guess, though, I’d say the expiration date of our friendship is fast approaching (if it’s not already here). People normally don’t feel comfortable continuing to be my friend when they know that I’m interested in more.
I’m writing about this, not because I’m salty; but, because this led me to realize that any quality/potentially compatible man I’ve come to know, has put me in the friendzone. I think the fact that they were ever my friend at all speaks highly of their character. It means they understood and respected me, and those are two things that most men struggle with.
I remember the first time I was friend-zoned vividly. It was in high school and it was way painful. As it happened in college, the pain became more tolerable. Now, I can accept it in stride, but it makes me equal parts hopeful and discouraged. On one hand, I’ve found a good person who enjoys me; and, that encourages me to be optimistic that there are others. On the other hand, I think about how infrequently I run into these people, and trying to connect with someone as promising seems like too much work. So, dating seems to be falling to the wayside. Not in a depressing, “I’m never going to find love” way, but in a “most of these people aren’t worth it” type of way. I could put this energy towards so much more!
Guys, this blog is awesome. It is so much fun for me, and to watch the number of views grow after I publish a post– it’s just the coolest feeling. However, we all know, this is a really weird blog. I don’t give you details on my outfits or makeup, I’m not an avid traveler, and I don’t share any healthy recipes or workout routines. I write about my life in the hopes that my learning will help you in some way. The thing is, I want to do more than hope I’m doing that. I want to make something substantial with my gifts that combines my writing, my experiences, my dreams, my thoughts and hopes. Do you get where I’m going with this? A change in my creative outlet is coming– whether that means an evolution for this blog, or writing a book. Searching for a man to share my life with seems like it’s stealing the energy I could be putting forth to creating what I feel called to produce. Ultimately, my purpose is to create whatever it is that’s going to do what I am called to do, not waste my time searching for someone to enjoy this life with. The latter will happen, and I don’t think making it a priority will make it happen any sooner.
That’s all I’ve got for you, take it for what it is. Wishing you all well, and thank you endlessly for investing in my life.
-M
Great post 🙂