Words for a Friend

I’m back! I’m tan, I’m fresh, I’m ready to push through this Chicago cold and survive until the 80 degree weather I’ve just left finds me here. I will miss the lushness, though. There’s something about that vibrant greenery…

In my latest posts (a week ago) I told you that I was going to share an experience that has changed the way I live with myself. It’s happening… On Wednesday. Today, I tease you with this: A letter to the person who passed the life changing information to me. Timothy, thank you. This is for you!

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I re-watched my reading with you recently. I came back to it because I was doing some research on Mercurial retrogrades. That led me to my natal chart, which reminded me that I was born while Mercury was in retrograde, which took me back to the recording of my reading with you. It was embarrassing to see myself that way. What a shell of a human I was. I wish that I could have the same conversation with you now; I would have so many questions, so much validation for you. I was fresh out of a painful cluster of lessons then, and I’m afraid that a shell of Morgan was all I could muster.

Throughout my life, others would tell me that my emotions were ridiculous– that I needed to change how I felt and interpreted the world. Since my reading, I’ve grown to flow through the universe. I fought for my space, my individuality, and I started communicating. I think part of the reason I was so bloated with sadness was because I held so much in. I have SO many thoughts, and just as many feelings. This matrix of a world stripped me of the ability to share myself. In my reading, you mentioned that once we crash onto this planet, “we go through this thing called, growing up,” and it was exactly the experience you alluded to. I’m sorry that I couldn’t have given you the satisfaction of confirming that experience, but, wow, was it rough. I was conditioned to believe that because my thoughts and instincts are unlike the people around me, I wasn’t allowed to share them. You told me the Universe officially gave me permission to be weird, and I guess I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that.

So, I’m doing it. I’m sharing myself, I’m sharing my thoughts, I’m writing, and people are listening. When I committed to this lifestyle, I expected judgment and misguided cruelty in return. I’m not sure if you’ve stumbled upon my blog. It’s no Science Fiction saga, but it is a saga of me. I write about my experiences, the lessons I’ve lived, the thoughts I have in regards to a love-oozing planet. Astrology has joined the ranks of things I am most passionate for. I still have so much to learn, but what I have come to understand in less than a year of studying astrology– it all blows my mind. Everything fits. All of your numerical data, your tarot cards, astrology, so much therapy, psychic readings, what I’ve always believed about myself—it all lines up. I’ve reached a point at which disregarding the validity of this congruent data seems irresponsible.

You knew who I was before I did. Well, I guess I felt who I was, but I relied on others to guide my choices and behavior. Before our conversation, I let others define me. You confirmed my hunches about myself. I am a mystic; I am a light bearer on the mountain. Patience, healing my heart, they’re my golden keys. No one is chastising me for honoring myself. People are listening. They’re interested in my knowledge, I am respected, and I feel so much gratitude to be able to live this way.

All of this to say, it’s not been a year since you read my soul’s purpose. In the time that’s passed, I’ve been able to explore and express myself for the first time in my life. Until then, it was all pain: people dying, abuse, harassment, depression, and misguided choices—this has been the first time that I’m able to move past my pain and focus on my purpose. And; it seems, the more I figure about myself, the more fluently I’m able to articulate these lessons to others. Admittedly, it does make me regret that the first quarter of my life was wasted trying to survive this world and not appreciating what I bring to it. I don’t mean to say that I don’t accept my past, I do– I wouldn’t have the same wisdom without it.

I also don’t mean to make you uncomfortable with my gushing, but I have a lot to say about my passions. Usually, those sentiments are reserved for Coldplay and Disney World (I felt embarrassed to share that with you before because people have always made fun of me for loving those things as much as I do). Now, I own my passions. I acknowledge them, and how much they speak to my character. All of this is just to say that my reading with you has become one of my most cherished experiences. My hope for my future is that I am able to help others come to know themselves as well as you helped me discover myself. How beautiful it is that your gifts have illuminated my own. I’m eager to continue learning and honoring my construction and purpose. Thank you so much for the gift you gave me, and for lighting the way. I hope you’re very well.

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-M

Ps. Today is my nephew’s seventh birthday. I’m not sure how it’s possible that he’s not a baby anymore let alone been a human for seven years. Just, how? Anyway, happy birthday to him– lots and lots of love from Auntie M.